Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Iron Warrior (1987)

Do you like Sword and Sorcery films? Do you like to see muscle bound heros saving damsels in distress? Do you like action and adventure? That is great because Iron Warrior has all these things and more including bad acting, ridiculous dialog, plastic weaponry and bizarre scenes that make you scratch your head and wonder just what the hell is going on?

Iron Warrior features film hero Ator (Miles O’Keefe), who first made his appearance in Ator: The Fighting Eagle (1982) and The Blade Master (1984), returning in this third film of the series. Italian director Joe D’Amato helmed the first two films but bowed out on making a third; supposedly since there were no plans on a third Conan film, in which these films rip off, D’Amato said forget it. This time around the action is handled by director Alfonso Brescia under the pseudonym of Al Bradley. 
Miles O'Keefe ready for action!

Apparently Mr. Brescia decided to throw out any character back story from the first two films and go off on his own by starting Iron Warrior out with a prologue that has Ator having a twin brother named Trogar (not to be confused with Trogdor (http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogdor.html). Trogar is kidnapped by Phoedra, an evil witch. Phoedra is confronted by Deeva and brought to trial over the kidnapping. Here Brescia not only decides to rip off Conan the Barbarian but also Superman II, a scene complete with spinning hula hoops and faces of a “jury” chiming in with Pheodra’s punishment. Her punishment is that she is banished for 18 years and her power of death is revoked….no more license to kill, much like Timothy Dalton. So in those 18 years she develops Trogar into the Iron Warrior (complete with shiny skull mask and Destro outfi)t. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure this out within the first ten minutes of the film.

*Gasp* Another Ator film!?
Eighteen years later Pheodra shows up at the king of Dragor’s castle and introduces her warrior who proceeds to kick everyone’s butts. The king is captured but his daughter, the lovely Princess Janna (Savina Gersak) escapes. Ator, who is wandering around the land, finds her and decides to help her defeat Pheodra and regain her rightful place in the kingdom. Along the way Ator does battle with the Iron Warrior but never seems to defeat him. Each fight ends in kind of a draw and the final battle is pretty…..well….lame to be honest. Here of course Ator discovers he had a twin brother. What a surprise!

Destroy G.I.Joe!.....er.....Ator!!

Iron Warrior is a true spectacle to behold to be honest. The movie makes no sense whatsoever simply because for some reason there are a lot of stylish surrealistic sequences that seem to be placed at random throughout. In one scene Janna and Ator are trying to cross a rope bridge. Minions of the enemy are on the other side and cut the ropes (ala Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). They climb up to the other side only to meet the Iron Warrior face to face. Ator finds it necessary to jump and they soon find themselves swirling around in mists and colors and waking up in a cave…….what!!? There is also another odd ball scene but this one is very, very short and actually is pretty cool. Janna has some type of out of body experience in which her red swirling clothes are transformed green and she is knelt down as we see her father materialize above her, crucified by spears. An interesting little shot reminiscent of the crucifixion of Christ. Don’t excited though because this is the only few seconds of the film that actually grabbed hold of my attention and turned by brain on.

I love your braids.....what kind of conditioner do you use?

Brescia also incorporates more Indiana Jones fun by having Ator and Janna chased by a giant boulder through a cave. I’m guessing he was a big fan? There is also a lot of 80’s type MTVish stuff going on in this film. Princess Janna looks like she should be singing for Scandal with her rooster hairstyle, multi-colored eyebrows and standout rouge makeup. Ator, for some unknown reason, wears a French braid pony tail throughout the entire film, not to mention his spandex legwear which is screaming the era this film was made. Throw in the plastic swords and fall apart castle structures and you have 90 minutes of pure cheese!

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