Jaws (1975) was one of the biggest box office smashes ever.
It made moviegoers around the world get a little uneasy whenever they stepped
into the ocean. The film featured a huge mechanical shark that although was a
complete headache to operate (and apparently didn’t function correctly most of
the time) it certainly added that “wow factor” to the film. I mean what’s a
giant shark movie without a giant shark right? As always when a movie of this
type does extremely well in the theaters there will be imitators trying their
hand at making some extra cash as well and hoping to ride the coattails to success.
In 1980 American film producer Herman Cohen threw a line out to audiences in an
attempt to reel in a bounty of moola but his bait was rotten. That bait was
known as Crocodile.
Crocodile was made in Thailand by Sompote Sands and brought
to the U.S. by Cohen. The film is basically Jaws but with a crocodile and a big
one at that. I’m talking about one the size of “Bruce”, the mechanical menace
from Jaws, I’m talking Godzilla inspired big. Of course the croc’s size changes
size constantly throughout the film but that’s another issue with this rather
extremely painful to watch movie.
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| Marco!...........Maaaaarco! |
Our movie opens with a warning about screwing around with
nature and we are then treated to a huge hurricane destroying a village. There
are lots of shots of miniature huts being pummeled and actors being dosed with barrelfuls
of water. We are then introduced to a doctor whose wife finally convinces him
to stop being such a workaholic and take the family on a vacation. He does and
his wife, kid and sister in law (?) are eaten by a giant crocodile. After
grieving for a brief moment he decides to research and find out exactly what
killed his family. The culprit is indeed a very large crocodile, one that has
grown to enormous size due to radiation from nuclear testing (sound familiar
Godzilla fans?). So now he must put together a team to destroy this creature.
That team includes his now former future brother in law and some captain of a
boat destined to destroy something monstrous because of a tattoo on his chest
that he proudly displays……..Quint this guy ain’t.
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| Whatchoo two doin? |
After lots of filler time of
the giant croc attacking and killing people the three sail out to sea and lure
the giant out to them with chemically induced barrels of chum…..maybe? I’m not
sure the movie makes zero sense. While
waiting they are joined by a photographer, Peter, who shows up as some kind of
comic relief yet everyone on board won’t talk to him and generally ignore him. It’s
kind of an odd scene which again makes zero sense. The croc finally attacks and
eats the captain of the ship. Several harpoons are tossed at the creature to no
avail. Finally Peter sacrifices himself by diving headfirst into the croc’s
mouth with a handful of dynamite. At least I think that’s kind of what happens.
The editing throughout the attack scenes leave your head reeling and wondering
just what the hell is going on. The movie ends with the croc and the ship
blowing sky high. The end credits roll and well…….everyone’s dead. Wow…….just
wow!
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| Buffalo nom nom nom |
You have to see Crocodile to believe it really. It’s that
bad. So much amazingly awfulness is to be had. There are lots of shots of the
crocs eyes as it surfaces, stock footage mind you, and in some scenes where a
fake croc is used, the eyes light up in the dark! I’m talking flashlight eyes
here! The croc can also flip its tail or something underwater and create a
whirlpool that drowns its victims. It can also jump over boats, somehow propelling
its body out of deep water and a good twelve feet above the sea. The scale of
the creature also varies from scene to scene. Sometimes these scenes are
seconds apart too. At one point a child is eaten and carried away in the crocs
mouth. Another time a buffalo is eaten and taken away in the crocs mouth. Odd
thing is, is that the kid and buffalo seem to be the same size in each shot
telling me that they had several fake croc heads in different scales and no one
even attempted to keep the scale correct.
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| Swim! Don't run to the theater to see Crocodile!! |
I will give Crocodile some credit though. There was a lot of
blood and some nudity.With that said, even this couldn't save it. I do recommend seeing it though, at least once. It will make you ponder just how in the world are you going to get those agonizing 97 minutes back!
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